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ancillenodavis

This is perspective

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December 2016

Welcome 2017

Well, we are on our way! 1.5 hours and we will see a new year. It has been an amazing, joyous, heart rending, confusing, enlightening, year of risk, reward, challenge, change and most importantly love. I have found friends and allies in unexpected places, pulled my family closer and distanced myself from those that do not have my best interest at heart.

2017, I am ready to meet you with my team by my side. I am ready to conquer your challenges and accept all the gifts you have to offer.

Sending love to the world for 2017. Especially for Alma Nora and #LeonardoDavis.

Ancilleno Davis, PhD. Candidate Ecology, Evolution and Environmental Biology- Miami University, Oxford Ohio

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Hell and high water

I am witnessing a friend go through some stuff with the mother of his kids. Keeping him from seeing them, stressing the babies out…they barely recognize him. I can see his pain and hers, but even more so, the children.

In front of God and everyone, I just want to say, that if it comes to it, I would go through hell in gasoline drawers and make the devil beg for forgiveness for #LeonardoDavis or Alma Nora Davis. If you’ve seen me angry, you know.

They do not know your story

This is mostly for Bahamian’s Educated in Natural and Geospatial Sciences, but I hope you can all find truth in these words. I am sharing because this year has produced immense challenges and I have therefore begun to look back in earnest at what has driven me. In reviewing the driving forces, I also recognize the hurdles, the nay sayers. I want to tell you now. No one knows your story, so they are not allowed to write the ending.

While studying in the USA the first time, I dropped a calculus class. I told my advisor, I could not continue in the class because “[the professor’s] teaching style and my learning style were incompatible”. This was my way of sharing the responsibility for my learning. I was in my master’s degree having recently completed my Bachelor’s degree in a year and a half with a 3.987 GPA. I understood how I learn and what makes success possible for me.
Later that year at a STEM event where I had driven the undergraduates to the hotel location, the calculus professor invited me to have a drink. He encouraged me to get something “leaded” though I politely refused but accepted a soda. He shortly after informed me of how long he had been teaching, how unqualified I was to judge him, how powerful a lawyer his wife was, and how he would get another doctorate before I get my first degree. He had interacted with me for a few hours a week for less than a month before I dropped his class.

This year 2016, I was informed by a leader at our university that I was not perceived as successful, by a group of leaders I did not know, who had never met with me. A professor whose classes I had received B’s in, in a department where I had served on various committees and in leadership roles for graduate students, where I had recruited graduate students into the university and supported success for those around me in myriad ways. But success in each graduate program has very specific measures. Those measures do not translate well across cultures.

I want my BEiNGS to recognize that while we study abroad, we must do our best to achieve the measures of success that allow us to reach our goals. I want you to know that those measures do not sum you up.
These two professors were older white men who have had the opportunity to live most of their adult lives in the soft bosom of academia.

They could not measure success in being the first of their family to complete a bachelor’s degree, to survive in a strange culture, to follow your path with mindful-kindness. I do not know if these men have been lost at sea, shot at, poisoned, beat up, hit by cars, electrocuted, detained by immigration, treated like a freshman undergraduate while carrying three degrees because of their nationality. I do not know their stories, like they do not know I have navigated all these things successfully. Why would they?

Today I find myself challenged, but I know I will continue to be successful, because I measure success in ways that are meaningful to me. I hope each of you can find meaningful success, because that is the only success that matters.

Ancilleno Davis, PhD. Candidate
Ecology, Evolution and Environmental Biology- Miami University, Oxford Ohio

On average you are not the Star

We are the stars of our lives. Those lives are made up of scenes big and small. When we look back on our lives, we can see that most of those moments are incredibly dull for us, forgettable, inconsequential even. At the same time, the smile you shared and the brief conversation you had with someone else may have been the plot twist upon which their life pivoted. A harsh word may have pushed that one person over the edge. Your kind words and support may have been the heart of their superhero origin story. We are all fighting for that best actor in a leading role award for our parts in our own lives. Perhaps we could each and every one of us win best supporting actor in someone else’s life everyday.

Shout out to my best supporting actors!

Ancilleno Davis, PhD. Candidate
Ecology, Evolution and Environmental Biology- Miami University, Oxford Ohio

Proposal defense passed!

Thanks to everyone for the positive vibes you sent during my proposal defense and for all the support leading up to it. Especially La Guapa and #LeonardoDavis, my committee, my dissertation completion group and all the international students and BEiNGS that share in my success. Leno

Ancilleno Davis, PhD. Candidate
Ecology, Evolution and Environmental Biology- Miami University, Oxford Ohio

Dear 4:00

Dear 4:00,#LeonardoDavis, Alma and I enjoy your company each day and we have a really great time, so please do not take this the wrong way. I do not want to see your pointy head and your lil chicken leg round my house in the night.
Leave my child alone. He needs his sleep and so do we. Tell all your friends, if you see the lights out don’t come knocking.
Don’t make me call ya ma.

Sincerely,
Ancilleno Davis

Leno’s life lessons December 6 2016

When someone tells you that you are being oppressed but then they want you to buy into a product they sell to free you from your oppressor, they are not trying to free the slaves they are trying to buy their own slaves. Just saying.

Poetic Jones

Today I watched Marcus’ reflection on our friend Poetic Jones. He is the inspiration behind the original hook for “Promise me”. I remember knowing Alan through the Christian Youth Movement and always thinking he is the handsome guy that has it all and could get all the girls and must have it all together. I was a little younger than he was and a little older than his brother Spencer.
Then he disappeared from the church for awhile and I never even thought of him… until we met at “The Verse Place”. As he started in his poetry journey, I remember discussing how he thought we were so amazing and he was struggling with making quality work. I remember telling him to own it and that he should use his last name while he struggled and call himself “The Poetic Joneser”. I reminded him that we all struggled and in the end he took the pen name Poetic Jones… typical Alan, that’s a damn sexy name right there. and he shared the fears, changes and challenges of living with his kidney failure. But he never acted like it was that big a deal.
I eventually ended up bouncing around the islands and when I came back to nassau one night, Aureli called me and asked for a ride to Alan’s. I had no idea what was up. because again, I had not heard from him or about him and he was really private about his struggles. It was the last time we would see him alive, but he cracked jokes with us, told us about his love life and even breaking up to spare his girl from being with him through the last days. He told us that he had so much left to write.
I hear him every day. I fear leaving things incomplete, and I do that alot. But I also hear him say, it’s ok. He was calm and accepting of having had a good run. I wrote this song shortly after hearing Alan had passed away. it gives me a strange sense of peace.

Rest in Peace Alan.

 

Promise me

It seems death
Ain’t nothing but a tide away
And I’m already buried neck deep in sand.
It seems life
Has already done passed me by
And I’m already that much less of a man

But if you
Promise me
That you’ll set me free
take my body, send my soul to the sky
I could promise you
That I’ll be true
Once I die.
I’ll stop living this lie
It seems Love
is just a little too deep for me
So i feel safer in these Pools of Lust

Leno’s Life Lessons- Rising tides

A rising tide lifts all boats… unless they are anchored to the bottom or have holes in their hulls. fact. -Leno Dec. 1, 2016

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